Simplicity

Again.. After so long

2011-08-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

It's been close to a year since I've been writing. Feel less intellectual and I'm still not progressing in life. Things has been like sitting on a plane for me. The turbulence could be quite bad at times. The blog is a nice place to turn to when I think there no one that I can tell my story to. They won't understand.
One by one.. Friends are getting married and having kids. Some asked me when's my turn.. I wonder.. I seriously wonder.. I didn't even dare think that far. It's a place where I couldn't even see yet. I'm not ready.
Will I ever be?

2010-09-16T09:52:00.001-07:00

after all that we've been through. i think its hard for us to be the same again. :(

2010-09-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

so many things happened recently.

you know something...

just thinking of it will change my mood.

are we sure that going on was the right thing to do?

i mean.. you are not that patient with me anymore.

and i am still the nasty me.

you know me.

i am trying to be the older me.

but are u bring the u that i love?

i mean.. not that i dont love you now. but lesser when u are impatient with me.

or shld i say.... hate is always there with me when u are nasty.

just like i am to you.

2010-08-09T10:01:00.001-07:00

you dont even know i cried to sleep

2010-08-09T09:53:00.001-07:00

maybe i am just too hard to please.

i may love you.

but since u said u might..

i rather u leave.

i can nv live inthe insecure zone.

its gonna kill me.

leave if u want. i will stay.

probably when wanting u too much will make u go away faster.

maybe u shld.

back

2010-07-07T02:41:00.000-07:00

its been a while since i last last last updated.

3 months..

Basically, everything is the same.

I am with Him and am still working at the same place just that it has a different name.

Am always getting fatter and looking older. i guess thats the only difference.

love has been quite a hurricane.

but i am moving to a place where there's lesser hurricane coming from me.

Him is like a sea. choppy on some days but other than that its calm.

work has been toring.. its totally draining me of my energy.

dance hasnt got me on to it yet.

drinking has been quite often.

someone.. teach me how to be serene please...

2010-03-30T03:37:00.001-07:00

5 more days and it'll be a month without Daddy.

Oh.. i missed him so much.

was just outside my house just now, smelt the food that's coming from the other house.

it smells so good.

and it made me think about Daddy.

We'll always guess the food he cook before entering the house just by smelling it.

now, we smell it. but not his.

i miss Daddy's laughter.

Things ain't going that well.

I feel that i am slacking off work again.

i don't feel as hard working as before.

and to my r/s, i am giving craps to someone who treats me well.

why so?

i don't know.

i just want to at times.

hopefully i learn how to curb myself.

well.. about settling down.

i think i'll have to forget about it.

it has disappear i guess. at least to him.

2010-03-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

i miss Daddy so much!

i long to hold him again.

hug his warm body.

his hard tummy.

listen to his laughter, his singing

and taste his food again.

i long to dance with daddy again.

i remember, i danced with him once at a live band.

it was in a hotel lounge.

Oh Daddy, please.. come back.

2010-03-02T06:54:00.001-08:00

I suddenly feel that i don't fit the serenity of Dempsey anymore.

i feel so unstable and so shaken.

Just like a juvenile.

i'm sorry i've been giving you shits.

i know i have been a bitch.

i'm sorry.

2010-03-01T22:33:00.000-08:00

sometimes you make me so mad.

but it just tells me how much i am so into you.

you laughters. your care. the things you did for me.

and all i can do is just to return you with love.

and of cos each time i pass subway before meeting you. i'll get your favourite.

that berms is the first thing i gave it to you.

and i just realized it.

i have been so self centered.

truly sorry my baby.

i will try and try to curb my temper.

i will.

i need you and your suppport.

2010-03-01T22:29:00.000-08:00

i know i am irresponsible at times when comes to going to work.

sometimes i just doesnt want to go.

and i know i am unreasonable.

and i am angry at myself for that.

sorry

2010-03-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

uncertainty?

i think i know why.

but i can't help it.

i'm sorry.

if you have to treat me otherwise.

den i've no choice.

sorry.

2010-02-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

3 days of rearing that lil baby bird.
when it passed away last night.
i felt a sense of lost.
i felt i haven't done enough.
i could do more, can't i?

i could have put down my pride when i was talking to you.
and as everyone who knows me well.. i have a huge ego too.
not a good thing huh.
sorry.
i wont bow down even if i'm wrong i guess.
i just don't know how to.
its been long since i knew.

looking at those kids and unfortunate people in Haiti really makes me confirm that life is really vulnerable and we all live in this world by 1 thing.
and its LOVE.
we should all work together.

counting down

2010-02-22T03:47:00.000-08:00

i am so counting down.
exactly 27 days!!! yay!!
its a huge step for me.
its been a while since i left my comfort zone.
and after this trip.
i know i will be heading out every now and then.
=)
of cos not forgetting, i'll be going everywhere with him.
that special <3
----------------------------------

its not easy to overcome fears.
especially when we've been hurt too many a times.
your past, my past....
its not much of a difference.
probably only the amount.

----------------------------------

how far will we go?
i hope as far as we live.
how much do you love me?
will it be deeper than the deep blue ocean?
unconditional sacrifices?
hopefully.

-----------------------------------

let me see...
what have i done lately?
CNY has been boring besides the money collecting part.
didnt gamble much.
didnt drink much lately too.
hrm.. i am getting fat and boring, aren't i?

------------------------------------

2010-02-17T03:55:00.000-08:00

i am thinking of whether to head down to Bedok or stay home.
hrm.. working tomorrow.
1st day of work after chinese new year.
staying at home means i have to tahan the nonsense at home.
why do pple drink so much till they fucking blabber nonsense?
and treat others like dirt?
and the best thing is that when they wake up the next day,
they claim they don't remember anything.
jerks all arnd.
if only i have a car!

2010-02-11T22:22:00.001-08:00

i guess being Happy with you is the upmost important thing now.

i love you baby.

i am gonna miss you.

even its just for a few days.

behave ya.

i know you will.

2010-02-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

life with you has been up and down.

i know recently it's been slightly down.

but i believe we can pull through this down side.

smile!

i mean we all have our differences.

arguements ain't always bad.

look at it this way,

its a form of communication.

only thing is that, its talking with aggression.

i hope you understand.

but i still wanna hug and kiss u all the same!

2010-01-31T01:51:00.000-08:00

i wanna stay this way.

one step at a time.

no temper no grumpiness.

i just want it that way.

2010-01-29T22:40:00.000-08:00

it seems that i am not sweet.
i'm starting to be paranoid.
damn.
why can't time heal all wounds?
don't i have enough time?
i don't wanna be like this.
putting him into torment.
making him give way to me isn't what i want us to be.
i can feel that he is getting all edgy with me.
i am truly sorry baby.
i can't help it.
i am making an attempt to salvage us to where we started.
i know it won't be the same.
but at least.... we will be as happy.
provided u still love me as much.
you are the nicest baby i have ever known and been with.
i mean there's 2 but i am not comparing.
i mean it may seem like a comparison.
but i know i love u more than anything or anyone else besides God.
so please Baby..
so give me your hand
and
let's clap our hands and walk through this together.
talking to me. reminding me. and telling me when u feel happy and your woes.
please. please. please.

2010-01-20T11:55:00.001-08:00

i love him for who he is.
and nth is gonna change that.
does he?

i have been praying.
please hear my prayers
Dear Lord.

2010-01-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

i guess i have to really let go before i know trust is really there.
i don't know!
the past experience may have trash me badly.
but i think i have fallen into a deep pit of love which i cannot even see the sunlight anymore.
isn't that scary?
i am so afraid myself.
i always tell myself,
birds of the same feather flocks together.
you?
i don't know.
all i can think about when i left your side just now is that:
'leave him, let him be, he wont do anything, even he does, u wont know.'

did he really change as my feelings and senses tells me?
why is it when u love someone more, the feeling of fear of losing him is greater?
how can i assure him more?
how can i feel more assured?
oh baby!
i dunno how much love u have for me.
i really dont.
probably that's where the lil trust came from.
haiz..
i love you.
what can i do?

2010-01-13T01:12:00.001-08:00

i think i should cut us some slack.

the more i think of you.

the more i think i am in the wrong for being so grumpy

and always probably stirring shit out of an empty anal.

my bad!

i guess... its not about being demanding.

its about expectations.

and you are my one and only expectation.

i so wanna be so sweet to you.

but you know.. i am someone who is not action-ly sweet.

and not even mouth-ly sweet.

but i want to be. to you.

i want you so much to be by my side during CNY.

but too bad.

its all about timing and commitment.

guess i have to have more patience.

<3>

2010-01-09T15:34:00.000-08:00

Pool at Cafe Del Mar.

Facebook messages.

Text Messages.

Msn.

Zouk.

Hong Kong Cafe/ Wanton soup.

Liang Teh.

Rebel on Thursday.

L4d 2.

Esplanade/ River sitting/ Outside Butter/ 126 Dim Sum.

Cycling in Ubin/ Walk in Sim Lim.

Rebel nights out.
Movies.

Tiffany & Co.

Baking cookies/ Muffins.

Christmas/ Wearing of Official-ness.

New Year's eve.

At the stroke of 12/ New Year's Day with beautiful fireworks in your arms.

Reservist.

hopefully many many more!!!

2010-01-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

I was talking about family to my kids at work.

I suddenly thought of Fendie aka my ex.

There's this once, Fendie said, he's alot like Zach aka my cousin.

and i just wasn't happy with that comment.

i said something very direct and it literally made him mad.

i said, you can never be Zach.

because to Zach, family always comes first.

why i said that because, Fendie is never the type to really bond with a family.

He's always after something with a motive.

So i guess, its really hard to find one willingly to bond with my family.

well.. as for me.. family comes first.

i will be more than willing to bond with his closest kin.

Because that makes us closer.

isn't it?

------------------------------------

recently i've been very grumpy.

i think i know why.

its the protective wall in me breaking down.

i am trying to keep it up

lest me getting hurt again.

i guess its the preventive measure i am taking.

so please bear with it my baby.

i didnt mean to.

assurance and reassure is imprt.

2010-01-03T06:57:00.000-08:00

i don't wanna leave your side for even just that bit.

but i will have to wait 2 weeks before i can see you again.

CNY will be another time when we will be apart.

so hope you can just go with me.

2010-01-03T00:07:00.000-08:00

New Year New resolution!

I have to try and try.

get back what i used to be.

body, studies.

new mindset.

new life.

new love

2010-01-02T00:53:00.000-08:00

I guess i really have to control my temper

when people wake me up from sleep.

i cannot throw my temper when someone

so sweet to give a call or something.

----------------------------------------------------------

i really wish we will never part.

do you really have to care about

what people thinks about us?

Just like the fb status thingy?

is this a sign?

i guess i have to give you some time to get

use to the idea that we are together

for real.

you and me.

doing everything together?

get to know each other's family and stuff?

hopefully.

i guess time will tell.

now what i have to do is just have patience to wait

and hopefully we will be closer than we already are.

are you really happy being with me?

cos i really am.

thank God and thank you my Baby.

2010-01-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

Its the year twenty ten!

Happy New Year everyone!

wishing all the people out there good health for the rest of the year ahead.

hopefully its a good start.

deleted all my previous post.

Counted down the last moments of year 2009

in the arms of my Baby.

How can anything be more beautiful than that?

new start.

hopefully a happy ever after

2009-12-16T00:24:00.001-08:00

Expect the unexpected and probably you'll get the expected.

2009-12-12T09:57:00.001-08:00

unfortunate eventful day.

went ubin to cycle.

fell in the first hour.

head on with a student.

bad cut on knee and elbow.

bruises on thigh.

but i gain something.

my threshold of pain ain't that low.

and i got to see someone dress wound for me.

mmmm... worth it!

2009-11-29T05:23:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a 3d 3n trip.
Its was a ALL MAKAN trip.
guess my serious weight loss program is gonna be a tough one!