Again.. After so long

It's been close to a year since I've been writing. Feel less intellectual and I'm still not progressing in life. Things has been like sitting on a plane for me. The turbulence could be quite bad at times. The blog is a nice place to turn to when I think there no one that I can tell my story to. They won't understand.
One by one.. Friends are getting married and having kids. Some asked me when's my turn.. I wonder.. I seriously wonder.. I didn't even dare think that far. It's a place where I couldn't even see yet. I'm not ready.
Will I ever be?

after all that we've been through. i think its hard for us to be the same again. :(

so many things happened recently.

you know something...

just thinking of it will change my mood.

are we sure that going on was the right thing to do?

i mean.. you are not that patient with me anymore.

and i am still the nasty me.

you know me.

i am trying to be the older me.

but are u bring the u that i love?

i mean.. not that i dont love you now. but lesser when u are impatient with me.

or shld i say.... hate is always there with me when u are nasty.

just like i am to you.

you dont even know i cried to sleep

maybe i am just too hard to please.

i may love you.

but since u said u might..

i rather u leave.

i can nv live inthe insecure zone.

its gonna kill me.

leave if u want. i will stay.

probably when wanting u too much will make u go away faster.

maybe u shld.

back

its been a while since i last last last updated.

3 months..

Basically, everything is the same.

I am with Him and am still working at the same place just that it has a different name.

Am always getting fatter and looking older. i guess thats the only difference.

love has been quite a hurricane.

but i am moving to a place where there's lesser hurricane coming from me.

Him is like a sea. choppy on some days but other than that its calm.

work has been toring.. its totally draining me of my energy.

dance hasnt got me on to it yet.

drinking has been quite often.

someone.. teach me how to be serene please...

5 more days and it'll be a month without Daddy.

Oh.. i missed him so much.

was just outside my house just now, smelt the food that's coming from the other house.

it smells so good.

and it made me think about Daddy.

We'll always guess the food he cook before entering the house just by smelling it.

now, we smell it. but not his.

i miss Daddy's laughter.

Things ain't going that well.

I feel that i am slacking off work again.

i don't feel as hard working as before.

and to my r/s, i am giving craps to someone who treats me well.

why so?

i don't know.

i just want to at times.

hopefully i learn how to curb myself.

well.. about settling down.

i think i'll have to forget about it.

it has disappear i guess. at least to him.